I've been on Facebook now for almost a year, and I truly enjoy the opportunity to catch up with old friends, and see photos of their kids and family vacations. Facebook is a fascinating sociological experiment. Some people choose to be voyeurs, never posting anything but only watching others. That is what is so nice about Facebook. You can stay in touch without actually have to TALK to anyone. For some friends, that is ideal. But others insist on sharing everything, and I mean EVERYTHING with their friends. I have quite a few writers as friends and I think they get paid by the word. Or they only feel validated when they offer some pithy observation about everyday life.

Some people have a small circle of friends, and aren't interested in growing that circle beyond people they really know and like. I understand that too. I have very personal photos of my children on my page and I do worry about people gaining access to that side of my personal life. Others seem to collect friends like kids collect seashells at the beach -- quantity over quality is preferred.

Making decisions about who will be your friend on Facebook can pose some problems. Are co-workers really your friends? Will they limit what you feel free to share with the group? On the other hand, maybe they'll keep you better in check and prevent you from posting things that could potentially embarass you in the future. Kind of like having your mom listen in on your phone calls. The rule for Facebook these days is never post anything that you wouldn't want to read on the front page of the newspaper. Because if you go missing, or something tragic or miraculous happens to you, they will pull your Facebook profile.


Speaking of tragic, I was defriended the other day. Of course you only know this when you go looking for a particular friend and realize they no longer are on your list. It's not like there's a big break up speech where they must explain why you no longer make the grade. It happens quietly, in the middle of the night, and you are left to wonder, was it something I said?

I mean this particular friend has more than 800 friends. Seriously. 800 friends and I can't fit into that circle? I mean with 800 friends I won't even be able to get a word in edgewise! It was a strange feeling. In real life, if someone chooses not to be your friend you just stop running into then, or they stop calling you to hang out. But it's gradual and may go unnoticed for a while. But with Facebook, it hurts! I mean there are ways to silence friends, by hiding them in your newsfeeds for example. That way you never have to see another annoying post about how bad their commute to work was or how lonely their Saturday night turned out. But to choose the defriend option is final. It sends a message. And the worse part is I see this friend commenting on my other friend's pages. His face pops up at all hours of the day and night. So he has time for them? How are they so much better than me?

I've given him a second chance. I asked him again to be my friend. Partly because I need an explanation on why he cut me loose. He accepted, but are we really FRIENDS again? I have resisted commenting on his page, which has been hard because so much of what he writes cries out for a comment. I've toyed with the idea of defriending him, just so he understands how it feels. "Don't stoop to his level" some have offered. "Take the high ground" others have opined.

Instead, I may write to Facebook and suggest that in addition to being abe to "poke" someone (whatever that means), you should also be able to slap them. That might be the only thing that will make me feel better.