At the risk of sounding like an old person, who reminds everyone how hard they had it when they were your age, kids today have it made. Remember when cartoons only came on t.v. on Saturday mornings? Now they have an entire station devoted to nothing but cartoons - the Cartoon Network. And dozens of channels devoted to kids programming.
And the Internet? Are you kidding me? I remember going to the library (it's a big building with books) and you had to hope that the World Book Encyclopedia Volume J was in or your report on Japan was doomed. There were other encyclopedias, but somehow the World Book had the prettiest pictures and the best explanations.
But this morning, I realized today's kids are the luckiest ever to roam the planet. As I was looking at my daughter's school picture form, there's a box to check off for retouching. They show a picture of a young girl with acne, and another with perfectly smooth skin. What? Your dreaded school photos can be retouched? Removing all traces of acne, bad hair, and that morning's breakfast? And the retouched photo will appear in the yearbook.
I'm not sure I agree with this. The yearbook is a sacred document full of historical (and hysterical) facts. I mean, 30 years from now, you're gonna look back at the guy who sat behind you all year in Spanish and not even recognize him. Gone will be the days of laughing so hard you fall off your seat when you see your best friend's picture with one eye closed.
What's next, a little retouching of their grades, too?
Friday, October 2, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
I've been on Facebook now for almost a year, and I truly enjoy the opportunity to catch up with old friends, and see photos of their kids and family vacations. Facebook is a fascinating sociological experiment. Some people choose to be voyeurs, never posting anything but only watching others. That is what is so nice about Facebook. You can stay in touch without actually have to TALK to anyone. For some friends, that is ideal. But others insist on sharing everything, and I mean EVERYTHING with their friends. I have quite a few writers as friends and I think they get paid by the word. Or they only feel validated when they offer some pithy observation about everyday life.
Some people have a small circle of friends, and aren't interested in growing that circle beyond people they really know and like. I understand that too. I have very personal photos of my children on my page and I do worry about people gaining access to that side of my personal life. Others seem to collect friends like kids collect seashells at the beach -- quantity over quality is preferred.
Making decisions about who will be your friend on Facebook can pose some problems. Are co-workers really your friends? Will they limit what you feel free to share with the group? On the other hand, maybe they'll keep you better in check and prevent you from posting things that could potentially embarass you in the future. Kind of like having your mom listen in on your phone calls. The rule for Facebook these days is never post anything that you wouldn't want to read on the front page of the newspaper. Because if you go missing, or something tragic or miraculous happens to you, they will pull your Facebook profile.
Speaking of tragic, I was defriended the other day. Of course you only know this when you go looking for a particular friend and realize they no longer are on your list. It's not like there's a big break up speech where they must explain why you no longer make the grade. It happens quietly, in the middle of the night, and you are left to wonder, was it something I said?
I mean this particular friend has more than 800 friends. Seriously. 800 friends and I can't fit into that circle? I mean with 800 friends I won't even be able to get a word in edgewise! It was a strange feeling. In real life, if someone chooses not to be your friend you just stop running into then, or they stop calling you to hang out. But it's gradual and may go unnoticed for a while. But with Facebook, it hurts! I mean there are ways to silence friends, by hiding them in your newsfeeds for example. That way you never have to see another annoying post about how bad their commute to work was or how lonely their Saturday night turned out. But to choose the defriend option is final. It sends a message. And the worse part is I see this friend commenting on my other friend's pages. His face pops up at all hours of the day and night. So he has time for them? How are they so much better than me?
I've given him a second chance. I asked him again to be my friend. Partly because I need an explanation on why he cut me loose. He accepted, but are we really FRIENDS again? I have resisted commenting on his page, which has been hard because so much of what he writes cries out for a comment. I've toyed with the idea of defriending him, just so he understands how it feels. "Don't stoop to his level" some have offered. "Take the high ground" others have opined.
Instead, I may write to Facebook and suggest that in addition to being abe to "poke" someone (whatever that means), you should also be able to slap them. That might be the only thing that will make me feel better.
Some people have a small circle of friends, and aren't interested in growing that circle beyond people they really know and like. I understand that too. I have very personal photos of my children on my page and I do worry about people gaining access to that side of my personal life. Others seem to collect friends like kids collect seashells at the beach -- quantity over quality is preferred.
Making decisions about who will be your friend on Facebook can pose some problems. Are co-workers really your friends? Will they limit what you feel free to share with the group? On the other hand, maybe they'll keep you better in check and prevent you from posting things that could potentially embarass you in the future. Kind of like having your mom listen in on your phone calls. The rule for Facebook these days is never post anything that you wouldn't want to read on the front page of the newspaper. Because if you go missing, or something tragic or miraculous happens to you, they will pull your Facebook profile.
Speaking of tragic, I was defriended the other day. Of course you only know this when you go looking for a particular friend and realize they no longer are on your list. It's not like there's a big break up speech where they must explain why you no longer make the grade. It happens quietly, in the middle of the night, and you are left to wonder, was it something I said?
I mean this particular friend has more than 800 friends. Seriously. 800 friends and I can't fit into that circle? I mean with 800 friends I won't even be able to get a word in edgewise! It was a strange feeling. In real life, if someone chooses not to be your friend you just stop running into then, or they stop calling you to hang out. But it's gradual and may go unnoticed for a while. But with Facebook, it hurts! I mean there are ways to silence friends, by hiding them in your newsfeeds for example. That way you never have to see another annoying post about how bad their commute to work was or how lonely their Saturday night turned out. But to choose the defriend option is final. It sends a message. And the worse part is I see this friend commenting on my other friend's pages. His face pops up at all hours of the day and night. So he has time for them? How are they so much better than me?
I've given him a second chance. I asked him again to be my friend. Partly because I need an explanation on why he cut me loose. He accepted, but are we really FRIENDS again? I have resisted commenting on his page, which has been hard because so much of what he writes cries out for a comment. I've toyed with the idea of defriending him, just so he understands how it feels. "Don't stoop to his level" some have offered. "Take the high ground" others have opined.
Instead, I may write to Facebook and suggest that in addition to being abe to "poke" someone (whatever that means), you should also be able to slap them. That might be the only thing that will make me feel better.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Making memories
I still remember the feeling of utter astonishment the day after giving birth to my son. It was less than 36 hours after his arrival in this world and we were packing up to take him home. I was being pushed in a wheelchair by a nurse, and my husband was carrying the baby in the brand new car seat (which he had spent at least an hour trying to figure out how to put in the car). As we crossed the threshold leaving the hospital, I half expected a security alarm to go off. I simply couldn't fathom that they were letting us leave with this newborn. Didn't they realize we had absolutely no idea how to be parents?
Sure, we had books, and paperwork from the hospital to help us with the important stuff like feeding and bathing and cleaning the umbilical cord. But the enormity of the situation - that we were soley responsible for his well being - was overwhelming. It felt like maybe they had made a mistake.
I remember feeling that I wasted so much time reading about the pregnancy, and all the nuances of every stage while he was in my belly, that I had completely forgotten about the fact that before I knew it, he'd be in sitting in my lap looking at me for all the answers.
As I look at my kids now, one in the seventh grade, the other in the third, I still can feel overwhelmed. In a few years, he'll be driving. Have I prepared him for that? What if he doesn't pass Algebra this year? Is he making real friends? Is someone going to break her heart? Will they look back on their childhood and remember it fondly?
It's that last question that I think of often. I try and create memories for them, that will stay with them. Sometimes, my daughter and I like to start talking in British accents. We may do this for 2 hours. Even if we're in public. It makes us both giggle and my son crazy.
Or if something funny happens, we store it away and talk about it over and over. My daughter will say, remember that time when ... and we'll all laugh and remember it and know it is one of our special memories. When something new happens, she'll say "Can that be one of our special memories, Mom?"
Parenting isn't rocket science; it's about helping a child explore their world and helping them reach their greatest potential. It's about chasing fireflies and building campfires and reading bedtime stories. It's about saying no and fighting back tears. It's about picnics in the front yard and baseball games in the back. But most of all, it's about unconditional love.
Sure, we had books, and paperwork from the hospital to help us with the important stuff like feeding and bathing and cleaning the umbilical cord. But the enormity of the situation - that we were soley responsible for his well being - was overwhelming. It felt like maybe they had made a mistake.
I remember feeling that I wasted so much time reading about the pregnancy, and all the nuances of every stage while he was in my belly, that I had completely forgotten about the fact that before I knew it, he'd be in sitting in my lap looking at me for all the answers.
As I look at my kids now, one in the seventh grade, the other in the third, I still can feel overwhelmed. In a few years, he'll be driving. Have I prepared him for that? What if he doesn't pass Algebra this year? Is he making real friends? Is someone going to break her heart? Will they look back on their childhood and remember it fondly?
It's that last question that I think of often. I try and create memories for them, that will stay with them. Sometimes, my daughter and I like to start talking in British accents. We may do this for 2 hours. Even if we're in public. It makes us both giggle and my son crazy.
Or if something funny happens, we store it away and talk about it over and over. My daughter will say, remember that time when ... and we'll all laugh and remember it and know it is one of our special memories. When something new happens, she'll say "Can that be one of our special memories, Mom?"
Parenting isn't rocket science; it's about helping a child explore their world and helping them reach their greatest potential. It's about chasing fireflies and building campfires and reading bedtime stories. It's about saying no and fighting back tears. It's about picnics in the front yard and baseball games in the back. But most of all, it's about unconditional love.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The Unsung Heroes
I've had the pleasure of serving on the board of directors of a charitable organization many years ago, and I found it to be a rewarding and enlightening experience. It was a cause I believed in, and I was willing to help in whatever way I could. I served with bankers, lawyers, businessmen and retired people. They all shared my passion for the organization and we worked well together.
I was recently asked to join another board for another cause I believe in and as I looked around the room at our first board meeting last night, it struck me how much kindness and generosity there is in this world. Everyone has a busy life, whether you are just starting out or retired from the working world. We all have families that would benefit by us spending more time with them. We all have places we'd probably rather be, whether a night out with friends or curled up on the couch with a good book. But something drives people to give up that time and volunteer it to help someone or something else.
For many, the sense of service comes from their religious beliefs. Still others, their political beliefs. But for some, there may be no easy explanation other than a desire to feel good at the end of the day.
The need is so great. Many of the non-profit organizations that help the neediest people operate on a shoestring. There is any number of ways to help, from answering phones, to organizing files, to planting flowers, to organizing fundraisers. Whatever your talents, most organizations will find a way to utilize them to the fullest.
I am so grateful for these people willing to give of themselves. They are the unsung heroes of this community and every other.
I was recently asked to join another board for another cause I believe in and as I looked around the room at our first board meeting last night, it struck me how much kindness and generosity there is in this world. Everyone has a busy life, whether you are just starting out or retired from the working world. We all have families that would benefit by us spending more time with them. We all have places we'd probably rather be, whether a night out with friends or curled up on the couch with a good book. But something drives people to give up that time and volunteer it to help someone or something else.
For many, the sense of service comes from their religious beliefs. Still others, their political beliefs. But for some, there may be no easy explanation other than a desire to feel good at the end of the day.
The need is so great. Many of the non-profit organizations that help the neediest people operate on a shoestring. There is any number of ways to help, from answering phones, to organizing files, to planting flowers, to organizing fundraisers. Whatever your talents, most organizations will find a way to utilize them to the fullest.
I am so grateful for these people willing to give of themselves. They are the unsung heroes of this community and every other.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
An exercise in Democracy
I am blessed to live in a wonderful neighborhood. I actually like my neighbors. We see each other in our yards and wave and say hello. I know the names of their dogs, and where their kids go to school. I buy popcorn and wrapping paper and Girl Scout cookies when kids come to my front door.
There are neighborhood Bunco groups, and a group of women who get together to play cards. Every Christmas we have a neighborhood progressive party, where we start at someone's house for appetizers, and move on to another home for dessert. There's a hayride associated with Halloween and pumpkin carving before the big day. There's even a Welcoming Committee to provide families moving a few goodies but most importantly, a sense of neighborhood.
Which is why attending the annual neighborhood association meeting is so perplexing. After a particularly loud outburst one of my neighbor's leaned over and said, "We're not in Pleasantville anymore!"
There's something about the structure of an all-volunteer group of people telling another group of people how to behave that just rubs people the wrong way. The concept is a good one -- and it's tested, tried and true. I mean, where would we be without the Ten Commandments or the Bill of Rights? Even the name "Covenants" conjures up a code with which we all must abide. At some point, we have to write down a common set of principles on how to behave or I guess we'd just rip each other to shreds.
But the power struggle is always fascinating to watch. I am as equally perplexed by the naysayers who argue every change and point fingers of disdain as I am the people who volunteer to lead us. What do they get out of this service? Our neighborhood will continue on, no matter who leads us, of that I'm sure. And these are NOT life and death issues. But the passion is real and the fervor is intense.
It is an exercise in Democracy, and in the end, we all vote. And tomorrow, we all wave and smile and stop to chat and pet the dogs. We all return to Pleasantville.
There are neighborhood Bunco groups, and a group of women who get together to play cards. Every Christmas we have a neighborhood progressive party, where we start at someone's house for appetizers, and move on to another home for dessert. There's a hayride associated with Halloween and pumpkin carving before the big day. There's even a Welcoming Committee to provide families moving a few goodies but most importantly, a sense of neighborhood.
Which is why attending the annual neighborhood association meeting is so perplexing. After a particularly loud outburst one of my neighbor's leaned over and said, "We're not in Pleasantville anymore!"
There's something about the structure of an all-volunteer group of people telling another group of people how to behave that just rubs people the wrong way. The concept is a good one -- and it's tested, tried and true. I mean, where would we be without the Ten Commandments or the Bill of Rights? Even the name "Covenants" conjures up a code with which we all must abide. At some point, we have to write down a common set of principles on how to behave or I guess we'd just rip each other to shreds.
But the power struggle is always fascinating to watch. I am as equally perplexed by the naysayers who argue every change and point fingers of disdain as I am the people who volunteer to lead us. What do they get out of this service? Our neighborhood will continue on, no matter who leads us, of that I'm sure. And these are NOT life and death issues. But the passion is real and the fervor is intense.
It is an exercise in Democracy, and in the end, we all vote. And tomorrow, we all wave and smile and stop to chat and pet the dogs. We all return to Pleasantville.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
The working from home myth
Back when I was working in an office full time, I used to dream about how nice it would be to work from home. Not as many distractions, or phone calls, or coworkers to bother you. Just think how much work you could get done! You could wear your fuzzy slippers and sip hot tea while your productivity soared.
Now that I am working from home, on a couple of different projects, I realize how hard it really is. It requires a certain discipline. I find myself thinking, I'll have plenty of time to work on that this afternoon. Before I know it, I've burned 3 hours on the Internet reading about social networking. And 2 hours actually social networking.
I load the dishwasher, empty the laundry, make the beds, play with the dog, take a walk with my neighbor. Then spend an hour working. Before I know it my kids are home and chaos rules the day.
And, I realized today, there's absolutely nothing stopping you from eating a large bowl of chocolate chip mint ice cream for lunch. That's all, nothing else. No one staring at you making you feel guilty. And the bowl and spoon are tucked away before anyone even finds out.
Looks like a better find time for a post-lunch walk tomorrow...
Now that I am working from home, on a couple of different projects, I realize how hard it really is. It requires a certain discipline. I find myself thinking, I'll have plenty of time to work on that this afternoon. Before I know it, I've burned 3 hours on the Internet reading about social networking. And 2 hours actually social networking.
I load the dishwasher, empty the laundry, make the beds, play with the dog, take a walk with my neighbor. Then spend an hour working. Before I know it my kids are home and chaos rules the day.
And, I realized today, there's absolutely nothing stopping you from eating a large bowl of chocolate chip mint ice cream for lunch. That's all, nothing else. No one staring at you making you feel guilty. And the bowl and spoon are tucked away before anyone even finds out.
Looks like a better find time for a post-lunch walk tomorrow...
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I heard someone on the radio the other day talking about how many of the things we thought were true have come undone. Take the value of something. A year ago, many people thought their homes had value. They may have based all their decisions on this assumed value. But then something happens, something unpredictable, and suddenly their home has no value. He talked about how a mining town in Arizona once boasted beautiful homes worth around $200,000 a piece. But once the mine closed, these homes were suddenly worthless. His overall point was that the only thing in life that is worth anything is love and spirituality.
But really, love can change overnight too. Haven't we all known couples who seemed so deeply in love on their wedding day and within a year or two were vowing never to spend another day together? Were they really in love or can things change so quickly?
And spirituality, well, people change religions. They lose faith. They are born again. Certainly faith evolves.
The only constant, then, is change. It's hard to plan a life around that. But that's what we're supposed to do.
But really, love can change overnight too. Haven't we all known couples who seemed so deeply in love on their wedding day and within a year or two were vowing never to spend another day together? Were they really in love or can things change so quickly?
And spirituality, well, people change religions. They lose faith. They are born again. Certainly faith evolves.
The only constant, then, is change. It's hard to plan a life around that. But that's what we're supposed to do.
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